The Blast

Corporate Sponsorship Gets Another Weird Name…
January 9, 2010, 4:47 pm
Filed under: dc, music

The former Nissan Pavilion in Bristow, VA will no longer have the Nissan name attached to it. Evidently, Nissan’s contract with LiveNation for naming rights expired.

So what took it’s place?

Jiffy Lube Live

Frankly, I stopped letting the corporate-naming-rights-thing for sports and music arenas bother me a while ago, but in this case, I do wish that Nissan stuck it out a while longer.

via DCist


U.S. Senators Suspect Sen. Mark Warner May Be Homeless
August 13, 2009, 5:45 pm
Filed under: dc, humor

Apparently, some U.S. senators are beginning to suspect that their colleague, Senator Mark Warner, the former governor of Virginia and founder of Nextel, is homeless.

“At first, I thought he was just burning the candle at both ends,” said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV), who noted that the unshaven Warner is always the first to arrive in the morning and the last to leave the Capitol at night. “But then on Sunday, I dropped by to pick up a few things and found Mark asleep under a blanket ofWashington Posts on the Senate floor.”

“I feel bad for the guy, I really do,” said Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT), adding that all of Warner’s mail is now forwarded to a P.O. box at Union Station. “For instance, this morning he got up from his seat, wheeled that abysmal shopping cart of his onto the Senate floor, and lobbied us to pass a $3 million ‘Spare Change Act.'”

“Look, we’d love to help Mark out, but if there’s one thing Congress doesn’t believe in, it’s handouts,” Hatch added. “Plus, you know he’d just waste that money on booze or arts funding or something.”

Oh, it gets worse… read more here.

Young Money Baby!
June 17, 2009, 7:12 am
Filed under: dc, humor, parenting

One day, when I have little rascals of my own, I can only hope that I won’t get caught up in the senseless competition among parents to throw the most ridiculous birthday party for their kid. This practice seems to be especially rampant in the DC metro area. What’s a parent to do?

Fortunately, once the bar has been raised this high… you might as well give up anyway and stick to sheet cake and pizza:

DC metro Craigslist Ad:

My son is turning 16 and really wanted Lil Wayne to perform for his birthday gala. Unfortunately his schedule will not permit him to make it. I need a Lil Wayne impersonator desperately.

Here is the kicker my son is blind so you do not need to look like the rapper just sound like him. I understand he grunts and mumbles a lot. I don’t care if you are 67 and Jewish if you can sing the songs you’re hired. Money is not an issue. Name your price. Interested individuals please let me know your rap experience, video of you performing as Lil Wayne would be better. If that is not feasible we can arrange for a live audition.

Serious inquiries only, this is very important to my family. Young Money Baby!

via DCist

Shirtless Biden Washes Trans Am In White House Driveway
May 6, 2009, 11:08 pm
Filed under: dc, humor, theonion

You will be missed, Pontiac… Perhaps too much.

“This baby just needs a little scrub down,” said Biden, addressing a tour group as he tucked the sweat-covered top into the belt loop of his cutoff jean shorts. “Gotta get her looking good so I can impress the chicks when I’m cruising down Pennsylvania [Avenue].”

Biden, who purchased the white Pontiac in 1983, has made an annual tradition of taking time off each spring to wash and tune-up his vehicle. In 2008 alone, the veteran politician reportedly missed two dozen Senate sessions in order to spend some quality time “taking care of [his] baby.”

“He does this every year and it really seems to rejuvenate him,” Sen. Christopher Dodd (D-CT) said. “Back in 2001, the car was up on blocks in the National Mall, and he was so busy rotating those tires that he bailed on the confirmation hearings for secretary of state.”

“What’re you gonna do, though?” Dodd added. “That car rocks.”

Dodd gets it. But do the ladies?

“She’s a real beaut, ain’t she?” said Biden, popping open a wide-mouth can of Coors Light and tilting back his head to take a long drink. “Back when Smokey And The Bandit came out, everyone wanted the black paint job, but looking back now, I’m thankful the dealership didn’t have it in stock.”

“Oops, looks like I got a little brewha in the flavor-saver,” added Biden, referring to his wispy, four-day-old mustache. “Any of you girls care to join me for another tallboy?”

Find this out, and more, at The Onion